English Jokes For ELT Classes

Don’t in short.

 

Dear friends,

I have prepared a page of jokes I found on internet. They are suitable for ELT classes and many of them make us rethink about the language use  and grammar, and the power of the language itself! I find them very useful as good motivators inside and outside the class. They are very practical as they are short and clear.

I have also prepared some posters of them. You can have the actual size by clicking on each poster.

 

They can be used as

  • ice-breakers
  • warmers
  • lead in activities
  • stirring up activities
  • fillers
  • coolers
  • classroom management aids
  • supplement in lessons suitable with its grammar or vocabulary
  • little prizes (written on colourful small papers)
  • short role play activities
  • a model for students to try writing their own jokes
  • aids for the end of the school performance
  • …………………
  • …………………

 

I will appreciate your feedback, here, on my blog, so we can start a conversation which will not disappear by the course of time as it happens in the social networks  when I share my blog posts! Here our sharing; comments, ideas or questions will be recorded for future use and future visitors too!  Blogs are like e-books. Why not record our sharing and write our common e-book?!

Hope you enjoy them in your classes.

Evridiki

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    English Jokes For ELT Classes

Dad, can you write in the dark?”
“I think so. What is it you want me to write?”
“Your name on this report card.”

*
TEACHER: Where is your pencil, Harmon?
PUPIL: I ain’t got none.
TEACHER: How many times have I told you not to say that, Harmon? Now listen: I do not have a pencil. You do not have a pencil. They do not have a pencil. Now, do you understand?
PUPIL: Not really. What happened to all the pencils?

*

TEACHER: Herman, name two pronouns.
PUPIL: Who, me?
TEACHER: Correct!

*

TEACHER (to the class): Can anyone tell me the imperative of the verb “to go?” (No reply.)
TEACHER: Go, class, go!
CLASS: Thanks! See you tomorrow!

*

PUPIL: I ain’t going.
TEACHER: That is not correct. Listen: I am not going. We are not going. You are not going. They are not going. Now do you understand?
PUPIL: Sure, teacher. Nobody ain’t going.

 

Ideas like diamonds

*

TEACHER : Fred, your ideas are like diamonds.
FRED: You mean they’re so valuable?
TEACHER: No, I mean they’re so rare.

*

TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with “I.”
PUPIL: I is . . . .
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say “I am.”
PUPIL: All right. “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”

 

Beans

 

The teacher asked for sentences using the word “beans.”
“My father grows beans,” said a girl.
“My mother cooks beans,” said a boy.
Then a third child spoke up, “We’re all human beans,” he said.

*

TEACHER: How many letters are there in the alphabet?
PUPIL: Eleven.
TEACHER: Eleven!
PUPIL: T H E A L P H A B E T = 11 !

*

TEACHER: What does “coincidence” mean?
PUPIL: Funny, I was just going to ask you that.

*

TEACHER: Your poem is the worst in the class. It’s not only ungrammatical, it’s rude and in bad taste. I’m going to send your father a note about it.
PUPIL: I don’t think that would help, teacher. He wrote it.

 *

TEACHER: Rudolph, describe a synonym.
PUPIL: A word you use when you can’t spell the other word.

 

Subordinate Clauses

 

TEACHER: What are subordinate clauses?
PUPIL: Santa’s helpers.

*

How is an English teacher like a judge?
They both hand out sentences.

*

Mrs. Johnson asked the class to write a composition about what they would do if they had a million dollars. Everyone except Fannie began to write. Fannie twiddled her thumbs and looked out the window.
When Mrs. Johnson collected the papers, Fannie’s sheet was blank. “Fannie,” said Mrs. Johnson, “everyone has written two pages or more, but you’ve done nothing. Why is that?”

“Nothing is what I’d do,” replied Fannie, “if I had a million dollars.”

*

TEACHER: Wade, give me an example of a double negative.
WADE: I don’t know none.
TEACHER: Excellent!


 

Autobiography

What is an autobiography?
A car’s life story.

*

TEACHER: Will you two please stop passing notes!
PUPIL: We’re not passing notes. We’re playing cards.

*

TEACHER: For your homework, I asked you to spell “tomorrow” and you spelled “today. “
PUPIL: That’s because I did my homework yesterday.

*

TEACHER: Can you spell “banana”?
PUPIL: Banana. B A N A N A N A N . . . . I can spell it, all right I just don’t know
where to stop.


 

The spelling of caterpillar

*

TEACHER: Can you spell “caterpillar?”
PUPIL: How long do I have?
TEACHER: Why?
PUPIL: I want to wait until he changes into a butterfly. I can spell that.

*

TEACHER: Use the word “hyphenated” in a sentence.
PUPIL: There used to be just a space between these two words but there ain’t no
more because the hyphen ate it.

*

TEACHER: What do two negatives make?
PUPIL: A double exposure.

*

TEACHER: Can you tell me one word that contains all six vowels?
PUPIL: Unquestionably.

*

TEACHER: What happened when the English class started writing poetry?
PUPIL: Things went from bad to verse.

*

TEACHER: What part of English are boxers best at?
PUPIL: Punch-uation.

*

TEACHER: How often do English teachers talk about grammar?
PUPIL: Noun then.

*

TEACHER: What is the most mathematical part of speech?
PUPIL: The add verb.

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TEACHER : I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of
Pupil : Life imprisonment !

*

TEACHER : Name four members of the cat family
Pupil : Daddy cat, mummy cat and two kittens !

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TEACHER : What is further away, Australia or the Moon ?
Pupil : Australia, you can see the Moon at night !

*

TEACHER : Ravi, can you find me Australia on the map please ?
Pupil :There it is
TEACHER : Now, Ravi, who discovered Australia ?
Pupil : I did !

*

TEACHER :What kind of birds do you find in captivity?
Pupil : Jailbirds !

*

TEACHER : What is the plural of mouse ?
Pupil :Mice
TEACHER : Good, now what’s the plural of baby ?
Pupil : Twins !

*

TEACHER : What’s the longest word in the English language ?
Pupil : Smiles – because there is a mile between the first and last letters !

*

TEACHER :: I despair, Ravi, how do you manage to get so many things wrong in a day ?
Pupil : Because I always get here early sir !

*

TEACHER : What do we do with crude oil ?
Pupil : Teach it some manners !

*

TEACHER : What is an island ?
Pupil : A piece of land surrounded by water except on one side.
TEACHER :On one side ?
Pupil : Yes, on top !

*

TEACHER :Give me three reasons why the world is round
Pupil : Well my dad says so, my mum says so and you say so !

*

TEACHER : What shape is the world in?
Pupil : Rotten !

*

TEACHER : Why does you geography exam have a big zero over it.
Pupil : It’s not a zero, the teacher ran out of stars, so she gave me a moon instead !

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TEACHER :What’s you name ?
Class : Ravi
TEACHER : You should say “Sir”
Pupil : OK, Sir Ravi !

*
Mother: What did you learn in school today
Son: How to write
Mother: What did you write?
Son: I don’t know, they haven’t taught us how to read yet!

*

Teacher: Why are you late, Joseph?
Joseph: Because of a sign down the road.
Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late?
Joseph: The sign said, “School Ahead, Go Slow!”

 

Traffic Sign

 

 *

TEACHER  : I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of
Pupil   : Life imprisonment !

 *

TEACHER : What is an island ?
Pupil   : A piece of land surrounded by water except on one side.
TEACHER :On one side
?
Pupil   : Yes, on top !

 *
TEACHER : What shape is the world in?
Pupil   : Rotten !
 *
TEACHER : What is further away, Australia or the Moon ?
Pupil   : Australia, you can see the Moon at night !
 *

TEACHER :Give me three reasons why the world is round Pupil   : Well my dad says so, my mum says so and you say so !
 *

TEACHER : Name four members of the cat familyPupil   : Daddy cat, mummy cat and two kittens !
 
 *
 
   TEACHER :What’s you name ?
Pupil: Ravi
TEACHER  : You should say “Sir
Pupil   : OK, Sir Ravi !

 
   *

 TEACHER : Why does you geography exam have a big zero over it.
Pupil   : It’s not a zero, the teacher ran out of stars, so she gave me a moon instead !
   
   *
 
 
   TEACHER : Ravi, can you find me Australia on the map please ?
Pupil   :There it is
TEACHER :Now, Ravi, who discovered Australia ?
Pupil   : I did !
   
   *

  TEACHER : What is the plural of mouse ?
Pupil   :Mice
TEACHER : Good, now what’s the plural of baby ?
Pupil   : Twins !
 
   
 
*
   

  TEACHER :What kind of birds do you find in captivity?
Pupil   : Jailbirds !
 
 
 
   *
  TEACHER : What do we do with crude oil ?
Pupil   : Teach it some manners !
   
 *
   
  TEACHER : What’s the longest word in the English language ?
Pupil   : Smiles – because there is a mile between the first and last letters !
   *
  TEACHER :: I despair, Ravi, how do you manage to get so many things wrong in a day ?
Pupil   : Because I alway
s get here early sir !

*

Teacher: Class, we will have only half days school this morning.
Class: Hooray
Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon

*

Student: The brain is a wonder full thing
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Student: Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you get asked a question in class!

*

Teacher: Be sure that you go straight home
Student: I can’t, I liv
e just round the corner!

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Classroom Management

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 Reference:

http://www.khurrum.com/forum/index.php?topic=10726.0;wap2

http://www.indianchild.com/school_jokes1.htm

http://www.harryc.com/jokes16-teacher.htm

 

5 thoughts on “English Jokes For ELT Classes

  1. I really appreciate the jokes you have in your blog. I really laughed a lot with some of them. We are all humans beans….jaajajajaj
    Thank you very much for all of them

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